It’s only Tuesday and I already feel like it’s been the longest week. I’m already wondering how much longer til I can have a break. I’m not quite sure what I need a break from or what purpose it will serve, but I just feel worn out. I suppose mothering a four and two year old can do that to you. Add being 25 weeks pregnant to that combination, and surely it’s justifiable to just feel permanently tired.
When your alarm clock is not a nice pleasant sound effect from your phone, but a crying two year old or a four year old six inches from your face asking for breakfast. And then the stream of questions, requests, and demands starts and feels like it never ends.
When I stop and put that in perspective, I realize there are lots of long pauses between the questions and requests, but some days there are just so many that I feel like I’m drowning in them. I already feel aggravated from the last string of questions when the next string starts. I start thinking there’s no way I will be able to handle three children. And then that bumps my anxiety up another notch. And then someone asks for a snack and I feel like I can’t possibly get anything accomplished ever again.
Can you relate?
Sometimes life just feels heavy.
I can’t handle the weight of it. I’m going to topple over or explode. I want to go lock myself in my room and let someone else take over. Is this normal? Is it supposed to feel this hard?
Wait, did you hear that?
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-29)
So it is going to feel hard sometimes? But I don’t have to do it by myself?
He says to come to Him. But what does that even look like?
For me, this morning, it looked like standing in the driveway with my face turned upward and my hands outstretched saying, “God, I can’t keep doing this. I feel like my patience has run out. I feel like I’m going to lose it, and I’m permanently aggravated. Remind me of your truth. That You are patient and You are in me. That I can choose to trust You and not in this flesh. That you are the source of my life. Help me remember.”
I would love to say that our drive to school this morning was full of enlightening, pleasant conversation and praise music.
But, you know, God doesn’t generally just change our circumstances to make life easier for us.
He changes us.
He wants us to trust and lean into Him no matter what the circumstances may be.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (Romans 12:2)
Renewing your mind means replacing the lies (I can’t do this) and grumblings with the truth.
The truth is that God gives us rest when we come to Him.
The truth is that He has equipped us with everything we need, and He will do the work for us as we trust Him.
“Now may the God of peace…equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ.” (Hebrews 13:20-21)
Renew your mind.
Remember what the truth is.
Remember who and whose you are.
Cry out to Him in the driveway, in the carpool line, in the locked closet with your kids crying for snacks outside the door.
Yes, sometimes life can feel heavy.
But it’s not yours to carry.