crying and crowns

I am sitting down to write this after I spent 10 minutes trying to get a diaper on my 2.5 year old so he could take a nap. Yes. 10 minutes. 10 minutes of screaming, flailing, snot, kicking, total freak out meltdown.
Y’all, parenting is hard. Not every moment of everyday thankfully. But there are some moments where I think, “is this how the rest of my life is going to be?!”. Of course I know the answer is no, but when you’re in the thick of it it can be exhausting. Add a 3.5 month old baby who occasionally likes to wake up 10 times a night on top of that whole situation and anyone would feel overwhelmed. 
I recently finished reading a book with my mom’s bible study group called “Love & Respect in the Family” (it’s a great book and I highly recommend it to all parents!). There is one point in the book that has stuck with me so much. He writes about being “in the thick of it” and just crying out to God, “Lord this was YOUR idea! Help!“. Ahhh….such truth! God has totally equipped us for everything He has given to us. He is our help! And He made me (and you) mommas to our children on purpose!! So when I start to feel defeated or like I am doing a terrible job, I am reminded that this whole thing was God’s idea. He planned it, start to finish. He is in control. And I know Christ is in me…and He is love, He is patient, He is kind. That means I am loving. I am patient. And I am kind. I just have to remember that. The more and more I speak that truth the easier it is to remember it and live it.
While the hard moments of parenting a toddler are REALLY hard, the good moments are equally REALLY good. I mean this kid says and does the funniest, sweetest, cutest stuff. Saturday we took Evan swimming for the first time in about a year I would guess. I was so sure he would freak out and not want to get in (if you’ve met Evan you would know what I mean…he is super cautious about everything). Well…I was wrong!!

He loved it. Every time someone new walked outside he would yell, “I SWIMMIN POOL!” He really fills my heart with so much happiness and joy. I mean look at that face.
I have to sit and think about these moments and not just dwell on how frustrating it may have been even 15 minutes earlier (amazing how quickly a 2 year old can go from a terror to the sweetest thing ever, right?!). Appreciating the good helps when things are bad. I don’t want to look back on the day or week and just feel like I fussed and fought with my kids all day long. I want to appreciate this age and how innocent and free Evan is right now.

I am trying to be more intentional about documenting these things. This blog is one way. I also started keeping a journal of the crazy and funny things he says (I have a super cute one from evince design. Check her out. She is so talented!). I know it will be so fun to look back on. I also am being more intentional about getting my camera out at home and not just for work.  Sitting outside with Evan watching him “cu-wer” (color) with his “crowns” (crayons), I knew I had to go inside and grab the camera to help remember this moment. The way he grabs one color at a time, draws a line, then rolls the color away. How the chalk gets all over his hands, legs, shoes, and behind. His little face when he’s concentrating.

Melt my heart.

I know this innocent age will fly by. And while I won’t miss the screaming fits and the meltdowns, I will miss most everything else
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